10 Items You Can’t Go To A Festival Without

There are a hundred ways to skin a cat (sorry vegans). And cat skinning at a festival is where we see everyone’s different style.

There are those who go to Anaconda, stocking up on camping lights, a sofa, a marquee – you know, the type of people who’ve got the BBQ and esky while you’re drinking straight rum from a bottle because you forgot to bring a cup.

Then there are those who know how to zero in on exactly what they need for maximum enjoyment with minimum waste and expenditure. The gypsy royals.

This list is for those who aspire to that.

Whether you’re hitchhiking in and winging the entire weekend, or you’re the grey nomad and seasoned festival go-er bringing everything from herbal teas to 5-HTP, you’ll want to ensure these items are in your inventory.

1.    Baby wipes

I apologise in advance to the iGen. I am responsible for the garbage in your oceans. However, nothing beats a top-to-toe wipe-down with a subtle aloe fragrance and an oh-so fresh finish.

Repeat as needed, focussing on in between the fingers, behind the neck, under the pits, and around your sexy bits. Then, put them in the bin NOT the toilet.

Baby wipe use is directly correlated to groove.

2.    Toothbrush & Macleans toothpaste (the one with the red and blue stripes)

Strange, but let me explain.

Yes, it contains fluoride, but it also contains sugar and a little less mint.

So, brushing at any time with whatever water you’ve got on hand isn’t too intense. In fact, it’s super enjoyable.

Swap your chewy for a quick brush (even on the dance floor) and I promise you won’t be disappointed.

That minty fresh feel.

3.    A big fruit

Splash out! Venture beyond apples and bananas (though the potassium count in a banana is highly beneficial post festival).

The bigger the better!

Buy a whole watermelon, order a jackfruit from Thailand, bring a paw paw, get your fingers in deep and share the flesh.

When other doofers spy your fruity delights.

4.    A carpet

A rug goes a long way to making any patch of dirt a home.

The fancier the patterns, the better.

5. Billy tea pot, coffee and the $15 stove from Kmart

Self-explanatory really. Nothing says welcome back to the world of the living quite like cheap, black coffee (sweeteners optional).

I highly recommend herbal tea too.

A sweet chamomile or a little bit of chai will gently whisper, “Come rest your wee head little one” into your weary ears. Once cup and it’s as though mum’s lullaby is swaying you to sleep in the middle of the Australian bush somewhere.

Be that friend

6.    Towel

Bring a towel to dry your little bod or to create a door mat at the entrance of your tent. Dry feet go a long way towards a tranquil demeanour, and they blow the bridge between you and tinea.

Less romantic when covered in swamp juice.

7.    Soft clothes

Choose clothing based on how they make you feel, because sometimes rocking the “right” aesthetic can be detrimental to peace of mind. And you’ll find that has a lot to do with fabric.

Steer clear of synthetics (unless its velvet) and opt for cotton variants that feel good and allow your skin to breathe.

The cloak of unveiling confidence, the pants of complete proficiency, *that* shirt… you get the picture.

The right material will also decrease the offensiveness of the camping light old-mate brought. Nothing compliments that cup of tea like the right lighting.

You do you.

8. Magnesium tablets, Berocca, Melatonin

For stamina, nothing (remember: your dealer is biased) will compete with active amounts of Magnesium.

Berocca? Vital after drinking. Alcohol completely depletes our Vitamin-B levels, consequently destroying the potential for a functioning nervous system. Two caps in a cup of water before bed is the fastest way to rehydrate and augment functionality while you sleep.

Speaking of sleep, melatonin is a whiz at getting you there. It doesn’t completely cancel out the penetrating bass, but it will help ease you into an actual REM cycle and contribute to the restoration of any neurotransmitters you may or may not have exhausted on the Saturday night.

Oh, yeah. Track down some of that too.

9.    Toilet paper

Even after three days of intermittent fasting heightened by a hyper-active central nervous system, we still shit.

The toilets (God bless those who maintain them), are not always a reliable source of TP, so BYO. You won’t regret it.

However, if you do happen to forget, wet your rectum pre-shit and allow the polarity of faeces and water to do the work for you.

You’re welcome.

File that one under “things I can’t unsee”

10. Hydrogen peroxide and paw paw cream

This combo is a cheap and effective way to address most first aid incidences.

Clean your wound and stick some stuff on it to stop more crap getting in. Nursing 101.

All better.

This article was written by Alexandra Sarre, an optimistic cynic. You might also enjoy her other pieces:

4 New Age Sayings We Should All Stop Saying

Dear “Organic” Tobacco Smokers: Open Your Fucking Eyes

Real v Fake: Which Fur Is More Ethical

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