Fence Jumper Caught With 3g of Coke “Couldn’t Afford Ticket”

Security guards at Ipswich’s Peace, Love & Cultural Wilderness Festival have caught an 18-year-old man trying to get into a festival for free, despite the fact he alleges he arrived with 3 grams of cocaine in his pocket.

Ipswich local Dart McDurry came undone when security guard Staunch Stauncherson spotted the teenager perching atop the festival’s fence looking down at what Mr McDurry alleges was a baggie of coke that had fallen out of his stylish Adidas basketball shorts and into the festival grounds.

“Brah, I was left on top of that fence having to make a very important decision,” Mr McDurry told Dreamland Magazine.

“Fuck me. On the one hand, I didn’t want to get caught, and I thought about doing a runner. I can run pretty good in thongs. But on the other hand, I’d bought that extra gram instead of getting a ticket, so I couldn’t just leave it behind,” Mr McDurry said.

By the time Mr McDurry had climbed down into the festival, however, Mr Stauncherson had made his way to the bottom of the fence and was ready to escort him off the property.

It was at this point that Mr McDurry says his baggie disappeared.

“That fuckin grub of a seccie nicked me coke. First, they stitch me up by trying to make me buy a ticket, and now this!” Mr McDurry said.

When asked about the whereabouts of the alleged cocaine, Mr Stauncherson replied, “Cocaine? What cocaine?”

The festival’s attendees have praised organisers for having such an alert, exceptionally positive security presence this year.

“The seccies at that festival really went above and beyond. They were so enthusiastic, even though it seemed like half of them had colds,” one punter said.

Reactions to Mr McDurry’s behaviour at the festival, on the other hand, have been much more negative.

“Fuck man, he should have just bought a ticket and invested the rest of his money in cheap, natural highs like goon and weed. That’s what the rest of us had to do. Or he could have done the responsible thing and saved for a few months so that he could get into the festival legally and still racked coke all weekend. It’s called budgeting.” another attendee said.

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