Queensland Premier Unveils State’s First Water-Resistant Train


Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk and a crowd of people employed by the Premier gathered this morning to throw a ceremonial bucket of water on the state’s first water-resistant train.

“This train is guaranteed to withstand everything from soft showers to fine drizzle,” the Premier announced to a press huddle consisting of one (1) One Nation senator dressed as an Al Jazeera journalist and our Dreamland Magazine reporter.

Premier Palaszczuk then proceeded to limply toss the bucket’s contents onto the train which, to the amazement of all, still somehow managed to find the strength within it’s cold steel body to start up and pull away from the station.

Local experts say waterproofing Queensland’s trains is a revolutionary leap, akin to that of the English discovery steam engine propulsion.

“Providing waterproof trains has been a problem haunting Queensland Government contractors for millennia. We hope other states will follow suit and learn from our innovative rail model.”

Queensland Rail engineers say the improvement is thanks to a German intern they hosted for two weeks who made several changes to the designs.

The main recommendation from the European child was to put a stop to the old cost-cutting trick of only ordering half as many screws as needed, thus saving tax-payer money but creating hundreds of unplugged holes throughout the engine, chassis, and carriages of Queensland’s trains.

“A fantastic idea and one I listen to, heard, and implemented. I am a Premier of the people and of the screw industry, which I am boosting by doing this,” said Premier Palaszczuk.

“The opposition would never invest in the screw industry, whereas I have been tirelessly screwing Queensland families for years,” she said.

This article was written by Daneka Hill.

Outside of attempting to get a solid ten hours sleep, Daneka enjoys looking at books (not reading, looking), eating all manner of stone fruit, and finding herself in unbelievable situations (you wouldn’t believe how many times that’s happened). She’s from North Queensland and is currently working in the Pilbara.

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