Let’s be real: You’re going to take it, so you should bloody well test it.
Festival organisers recognise that pill testing saves lives, and more events than ever before now offer on-site drug testing facilities.
There’s just one problem with these well-intentioned initiatives, however: With throngs of police ominously hovering around those testing tents, you’d be crazy to whip out your illicit drugs while inside. It’s the ultimate stitch-up.
So, do yourself a favour: Buy your own kit and test your drugs before you leave home*.
What kind of kits are out there, and where can I buy them?
Eztest – who, by the way, we’re not affiliated with at all – sell inexpensive kits to test the purity, strength and presence of adulterants in a range of party drugs, including:
Bath salts and;
You can order online for delivery in 1-7 days (depending on where you live and if you order express), and your purchase will come up as “Token Tunes” on your bank statement.
Can I purchase a kit in a physical store?
If you need a kit right away, there’s a store in every capital city except Darwin (sorry my dudes), and some other major cities where you can purchase in person. You’ll pay for the convenience of not having to wait for Australia Post, however, with most suppliers doubling the online price.
New South Wales
CTC – Tobacconist Darlinghurst
CTC – Tobacconist Campsie
Cignall Tobacconist – Westfield Chatswood
Happy Herb Company Newtown
Happy Herb Company Byron
Happy Herb Company Nimbin
Inn of the Sixth Happiness – Manly
King Of The Park Tobacconist – Baulkham Hills
TSG Tobacconist – Kings Cross
TSG Tobacconist – Central
TSG Tobacconist – Darlinghurst
TSG Tobacconist – Pitt St
TSG Tobacconist – George St
TSG Tobacconist – Surry Hills
TSG Tobacconist – Manly
TSG Tobacconist – Fairfield West
TSG Tobacconist – Belmore
TSG Tobacconist – Meadowbank
TSG Tobacconist – Wetherill Park
TSG Tobacconist – Westmead
Coastal Hydrotech – Central Coast
Pumped Up K!cks – Newcastle
Mull Up Pty Ltd – Mitchell
Smoke Dreams – Melbourne
High Voltage City – Melbourne
Highway to Hell – Melbourne
Cotton Mouth Supplies – Richmond
Happy Herb Company – Fitzroy
Happy Herb Company – Geelong
Happy Herb Company – Mornington
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop – Abbotsford
Fremantle’s Finest (Freo’s Finest)
Happy Herb Company Midland
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Armadale
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Barrack Street – Perth
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Fremantle
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Highgate
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Hay Street
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Mandura
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Midland
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Rockingham
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Victoria Park
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Wanneroo
Cloud 9 Smoke Shop Bunbury
Happy Herb Company Browns Plains
Happy Herb Company Cairns
Happy Herb Company Coolangatta
Happy Herb Company Fortitude Valley
Happy Herb Company West End
The Happy Herb Company Gold Coast
Happy Herb Company Adelaide
Happy Herb Company Christies Beach
Happy Herb Company Glenelg
Happy Herb Company Semaphore
Happy Herb Company Hobart
Cignall Stewart Street Devonport
How does pill testing actually work?
These tests are designed to be easily used by even the dullest crayon in the box. But don’t let us tell you how it’s done, you can see a demonstration video right here: