Letters to L.L. “My BF Never Wants Sex When He’s Stoned & He’s ALWAYS Stoned!”



“My boyfriend is never in the mood to have sex or fool around with me when he’s stoned, and he’s stoned all the f***in’ time! Help!” – Suzie Sexless, VIC


Hey Suzie,

Thanks so much for sending in your question. I really want to acknowledge you in this situation because it’s a tough one to deal with and can trigger a lot of painful feelings. Frustration, I can imagine would be a big one; disconnection too hey?

First of all, your best bet for actually resolving this issue would be to see a health professional, which I am not. I recommend several different avenues, which I have listed at the end of this response.

I am, however, someone who can share some insight into this particular situation.

What I’m reading between the lines here is your partner is addicted to weed and this is causing adverse effects in his life, including a low sex drive.

Being stoned is not the issue in this situation. I think the more significant problem here isn’t the substance itself, but the substance abuse and the root cause of this abuse.

Marijuana is a beautiful plant with seemingly endless uses, including important medicinal purposes. Like anything though, it can quickly become an addiction if used for the wrong reasons.

As a general rule, weed doesn’t have negative effects when used in alignment with what the body needs. However when weed is overused it will often lead to negative side effects including (but not limited to): Lethargy, memory loss, lack of self-care, lack of communication, excessive social awkwardness, brain ‘fogginess’, bad breath, laziness, overall bad health and… ta-da, low sex drive!

Unfortunately, and to the detriment of many, because of the seemingly ‘lightness’ of these side effects, people are very quick to normalise a weed addiction.

Although often seen as unimportant, these symptoms of an addiction can damage a person’s life, and their harmful effects will undoubtedly spill over into the life of their ‘other half’.

Ultimately your question here was about the low sex drive of your stoned partner. Unfortunately, I cannot offer a quick fix on this one. For your partner to be able to improve his sex drive, he is going to have to recognise that he has an addiction, understand why he is addicted and then spend a lot of time healing those genuine psychological issues.

Moving forward, it would be really worthwhile for you to sit down and communicate to your partner how you’re feeling, how the situation affects you and what you’re desiring/needing.

You need to get clear on what you want in your life and the experience you want to have. Understand that if your partner is unwilling to heal his addiction, you either have the choice to accept it and be okay with a low sex drive from him, or to decide that you aren’t okay with that and let the relationship go with love.

There is so much more advice I can offer here but I’m going to wrap it up. I wish the very best of lucky luck to you and your partner, Suzie.

Lots of love,


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