3 Genius Ways To Avoid Selling Drugs to Cops

Comedy

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By combining new technologies (Wickr, Snapchat, Facebook Messenger) with old-school, uncrackable codes** modern drug dealers have really excelled in the information age.

Yet one old-school foe threatens to undo all of our humble dealers’ hard work: The Narc.

QLD police conducted 13 undercover operations in the last year, resulting in 322 arrests and over 1200 charges. Needless to say, local dealers haven’t been this afraid of the police since the Fitzgerald Inquiry.

Fear not though, noble purveyors of methamphetamine, MDMA, and ketamine!

We’re here to help you out, with these three foolproof ways to avoid selling your drugs to a cop:

  1. Stay paranoid

    Thinking the cops are out to get you is a little paranoid. But, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t watching you.

    An easy way to protect yourself is to simply act as if you’re under constant surveillance. Do this for long enough and you can relax knowing you’re truly prepared for your inevitable day in court.

     

  2. Make your buyers sit a practical assessment

    Sure, most cops know what marijuana looks like, but how many can replicate the resourcefulness of a stoner in need?

    Demand that everyone wanting to buy from you must first build a fully functional smoking apparatus. Give them ten minutes and a box of construction materials containing only Juicy Fruit, an apple, an acetylene torch, a can of Coke, a single cigarette and a box of Pringles.

    For best results, make them sit the test in an unlit car parked beside a train station.

     

  3. Disinformation

    If you’re worried about narcs and mortal enemies (which is highly likely because, let’s be honest, you’re bound to have poisoned or ripped off someone along the way) – why not hit two birds with one stone?!

    Just tell your friendly undercover officer that your nemesis is the town’s main supplier, then sit back and wait for the inevitable fall out. 

Good luck guys!

** “Oi man, tell Molly I got the answers to her math quiz here. Question #1 is 1g, and question #2 is $100”

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