Scientists Claim Only ONE Type of Person Should Vape

Vapers have it pretty rough. Non-smokers are all, “But, why?” and lovers of the cigarette scoff at their “hipster” counterparts until they’re out of cigarettes and are all of a sudden whining for a drag on that sweet, sweet vapour teat.

But are these favoured fashionable flasks of flavoured fag fluid actually a healthier alternative to the old cancer stick?

new study from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine says that there’s only one type of person who should vape: People who are trying to quit smoking.

If you’re not already addicted to nicotine, you’re better off without vapes in your life because:

  1. Vapes are a gateway to cigarettes: It’s a scientific fact that you’re more likely to start smoking if you start vaping, especially if you’re a teenager.
  2. Nicotine is bad for you, and the amount you get in a vape can vary wildly: Nobody is regulating vapes or their juices, and some apparatus give you just as much of the sweet n-candy as a regular cigarette. That said, apart from their nicotine content, vapes are a lot less toxic than cigarettes.
  3. Vaping is addictive: Not, like, cigarette-level addictive, but they are still habit-forming. And who wakes up in the morning and says, “God, I wish I was addicted to more things”?
  4. Long-term vaping could cause cancer: Currently, this finding is only present in studies of animals, but humans are a type of animal, right?
  5. People with asthma shouldn’t vape: Yeah, apparently it makes you cough more. Fuck me, right?
  6. Vaping indoors is kind of rude: Even though vapour isn’t as gross as cigarette smoke – and can, in fact, be rather pleasant to inhale – it ultimately increases airborne pollutants and nicotine levels indoors.
  7. E-cigarettes can explode: Turns out, the kind of people who manufacture potentially addictive recreational devices that may or may not cause cancer don’t really care about product testing. There have been many confirmed reports of these little devices blowing up!
  8. If you drink it, you will suffer: This seems like a thing only an idiot would do, but just to be clear please don’t drink or even touch e-liquids because exposure to these concentrated cocktails can cause seizures, brain injury and vomiting.
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